Why, Yes, I Am The Main Character 💅

Notes on selfishness.

Happy Thursday and happy belated Rihanna’s pregnant, my Dearest Twenty-Somethings! I’m so happy to have you here. This week, I want to share my thoughts on something that’s seldom not on my mind: selfishness.

One of my favorite social media-borne concepts—and one of the funniest, if we’re being real—is all about having main character energy. As you can imagine, I’ve been told I have ~big main character energy~… for those of you confused, worry not. Let’s get into it!

I’ve reflected on self-sabotaging habits, nearly every facet of self-growth and, of course, falling in love with yourself. This week, let’s do a deep-dive on selfishness. Shall we?

Growing up, especially as young women in the US, there’s one generally universal lesson: Selfishness is bad. We should put others’ needs before our own and contribute to the greater good. We need to share. We need to do what’s right for us. I think the current state of working motherhood in the U.S. proves just how much these lessons have given women. (R.I.P. Working Mother, I had to make one jab!).

I, of course, tend to disagree. Undoubtedly there are times when selflessness is good for us and those around us. Trust me, I love doing favors! I’m the first to pick up the slack! But on a grander scale, I feel that in our twenties, we should be as selfish as possible. (That’s not to say that thirty-somethings or forty-somethings shouldn’t be selfish—I think there are often just less opportunities.)

For those of us without kids or mortgages or other major responsibilities aside from rent, leases, jobs and pets—I think we ought to take advantage of this time in our lives. Because nothing is more important than today! Take your precious time on this Earth and squeeze every drop out of it. Do whatever it is that you want to do! Do things that make you feel good! Whatever’s nourishing for your soul and spirit? Do that.

Of course, the idea of being a main character is that it’s your story and everyone else around you is a supporting role. And for you, that’s true! It’s your life and you’re the only one who will ever live it. I take my silly little need-to-keep-my-sanity-in-NYC-winter-while-working-from-home mid-day walks almost daily (we love a New Year’s resolution!) and I like to put on a flashy outfit when I do it. (I like to call it a ‘fit walk, but that’s embarrassing.) Nothing makes me feel more like a main character than strutting around the park or the neighborhood in a dramatic coat, bright sneakers, a fuzzy bucket hat and Crap Eyewear sunglasses—and you’d be surprised what it can do for your mental health. Baby, I am the protagonist! Why do you think I live in NYC?!

Now, this isn’t to say you should treat others as though they’re extras, which I think goes without saying. Let them have their main character moments, too! Never forget that everyone’s film is constantly rolling and we all need these moments for character development. Movies need supporting characters, and ours are no different.

And don’t get me wrong: When selfishness manifests itself into things like greed, egomania or narcissism—that’s not the kind of selfishness I’m encouraging. What I’m encouraging is this: don’t act out of fear or guilt or anger, unless you’re motivated by something intrinsically that’s for you. What’s helped me to filter these issues when I’m not sure what’s motivating me is to center my relationship with myself. If you’re spending time with someone because you feel you owe it to them for some reason or you’re dating a dude who makes you feel like crap, ask yourself this: How does this make me feel about myself? Am I honoring my most important relationship, the one I have with myself and who I’m becoming? You might just find it gets easier and easier to say “no” in these situations that aren’t serving you.

There’s no doubt in my mind that us zennials will likely be the most selfish generation, but also the most progressive, and the ones who are actually going to make a change and (hopefully) create a more positive future for forthcoming generations. And for that, I’m proud!

Now, until next week, I’ll continue to romanticize my life in my little apartment with my kitty cat and my bodega mirror, the photos of those I love, and my closet full of ridiculous coats I can’t stop buying. What else is there to do in this lifetime?

In honor of Valentine’s Day coming up, I’d love to know: What have you learned from dating in your twenties? Any inspiring or not-so-inspiring stories you’d like to share? Advice? Thoughts? Let me know here.

In case you were wondering, I’ve been listening to the incredible HBO Euphoria season two soundtrack, which you can find here. With that, here are a few picks to get you through the week:

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LISTEN:

WATCH:

• HBO Max’s Euphoria - Oh my goodness! Now, this show isn’t for everyone and can be really hard to watch, but I really am loving this season so far. I rewatched season one before starting season two, which I’d highly recommend. We’re only four episodes in and Rue’s a complete mess. Woooo!

• Showtime’s Yellowjackets - Wowee! So I finished season one, and damn. I love that it bounces between the two storylines and I’m so stoked it’s already been renewed for a second season!

• Spencer - I love the royals as much as the next gal, and this film was gorgeously shot and costumed. I’ll let you form your own opinions on the film!

LAUGH:

G. L. DiVittorio @gldivittorio

On groundhog day we are reminded that really no one is in a position to be making fun of astrology girls

SARAH SQUIRM @SarahSquirm

my question about NFT apes… have people never seen anything before?

meredith @dietz_meredith

my dad just texted "can you give me a call" so either he wants to say hi or my whole family is dead. could be both

john @mrjohndarby

boss: somebody stole the office thesaurus me: I perceive your concern however I am not cognizant of the perpetrator

Asher Perlman @asherperlman

There is no one I have less in common with than the me who wrote my Facebook statuses circa 2008

river butcher 🤠 @rivbutcher

if you can pretend that a groundhog is predicting the weather for the next six weeks, you can use they/them for a single person

paul @paulswhtn

I know drake just put take care on

Anna Drezen @annadrezen

Every time I learn even one fraction of one fact about NFTs my heart sinks one inch

sarafina💋 @get_em_girl

Any job that calls u a rockstar just know they’re underpaying u

stasis baby @HarronWawker

i've never met a woman's right i couldn't set back 50 years

slate @PleaseBeGneiss

please someone make a recipe page that’s literally just ingredients and instructions. if i have to scroll through one more essay about someone’s culinary awakening i am going to lose my mind

FOLLOW:

• Studio Peezy - My pal Ian is a graphic designer who’s posting a graphic a day for 2022—think tour posters, some Rihanna, and other funky, geometric, bright graphics. Love!

• Clean Foodie Cravings - This gal puts together simple recipes with big flavors. And they’re all pretty easy! Also—support Black artists! Not just in February, but always!

• Morgan AG - Love her cottagecore-soft-layering-hippie chick aesthetic. Lots of amazing fashion and styling inspo!

CONSIDER:

“… life which is so fantastic cannot be altogether tragic.” - Virginia Woolf

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Affirmation of the week: There is no one better to be than myself.

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Question of the week: What can you do today that’ll make you feel like a main character?

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Thank you all for reading this week’s newsletter! I’m always looking to improve my work, so leave a comment, send me a message, or fill out this form to tell me what you want to read about in upcoming Dear Twenty-Somethings! Also, if you know anyone who might be a good interviewee for the newsletter, let me know in the form. I’m all ears. Thank you always!

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Cheers & happy Thursday! Stay well and I’ll talk to you next week.

xoxoxo, Quinnie <3