It's Not Me, It's You!💃

Reflections on the journey to self-love.

Happy Wednesday, my beautiful Twenty-Somethings! I hope you’re all doing well on this lovely spring a.m.

In the last edition of Dear Twenty-Somethings before my summer hiatus, I challenge you to take this time to get to know and, if you will, ~fall in love~ with, yourself. Or, of course, fall even more deeply in love with yourself than you already are!

Plant your own flowers and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers! San Francisco, 2018. Check out my flicks on Instagram here!

This week, I want to talk about some things that have helped me, as a Twenty-Something, cultivate the relationship I have with myself. I suppose every newsletter has shared a lesson that’s helped me fall in love with myself, but still. As we look forward to what’s sure to be a rowdy summer of love, light and connection, I hope we can take the time to truly enjoy being with ourselves.

What’s helped me love all that I am:

1. Learning how to say no. If people don’t respect your honest truth and your boundaries, they don’t respect you.

2. Not taking yourself too seriously. It’s so important to be able to laugh at yourself. Maybe it’s just me, but… Most things just aren’t that serious. And they definitely aren’t that personal.

3. Doing things by yourself. Learning about what you like—and, equally as important, don’t like—is so crucial to self-growth. Take some time to get to know yourself. And once you figure out what makes you happy, do lots of it!

4. Realizing that you are your own biggest advocate, supporter, and believer. As much as I can’t stand Rachel Hollis, my biggest takeaway from Girl, Wash Your Face was this: No one will ever root for you as hard as you will. No one wants to see you succeed more than you do. It’s your life, so live it!

5. Reading oodles of self-help! Really, any kind of reading can be a therapeutic opportunity to get comfy in your own head. Self-help gets a lot of flak, but it makes me feel so insightful and bright and gooey—I will unapologetically be beach-reading lots and lots of self-help in the coming months. Some faves: Designing Your Life, The Happiness Project, The Daily Stoic (more of a daily guide), and The Gifts of Imperfection. Of course, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: The Four Agreements changed my life!

6. Making peace with the things you don’t ~love~ about yourself. You will only get one body and one mind and one personality in this life, so why waste energy on what you can’t change? It’s like choosing misery. Now, this is SO much easier said than done: self-acceptance is a practice, but there’s no reason not to start today! You are your own best friend, and you’re the only thing you’ll have for life. So make peace, baby!

7. Stop saying negative things about yourself. A great way to start practicing self-acceptance is to make it a conscious effort to never say things like, “Ugh, I’m so fat,” or “I’m so stupid, I don’t deserve XYZ!” Even if you’re joking, negative self-talk is powerful. I’ve noticed that I now catch when someone else speaks negatively about themselves, which gives me a chance to dispute their silly claim.

8. Listening to your gut. In my humble opinion, this is dangerously overrated. If you feel a physical reaction of any kind or get a bad feeling about something or someone’s energy, take note! The body knows more than we give it credit for, and sometimes you just know. Intuition is so powerful, so learn to trust it!

Further, I dug around on the web for a few more activities and healthy habits that aim to bring you closer to a place of self-love:

1. Talk to a friend about what you love about yourself.

2. Go all out celebrating the tiny wins.

3. Wear your favorite outfit (or put some blush on your nose).

4. Turn off your notifications.

5. Find your self-love mantra.

6. Go to therapy!

Alright, alright, you get the idea. I just want all of us to be the happiest, fullest, most loving people we can be! Because truly, people can only love others as much as they love themselves.

Of course, I have to credit the spectacular NYC for helping me fall in love with myself and every door that opened in this universe that brought me here—for nothing makes you bolder and braver than being surrounded by people infinitely funkier and crazier than you. But word to Lana, it’s true that everywhere you go, you take yourself!

Here are some of my fave tweets that really drive my point home:

idalis @IDALISREIGNS

Hot people set boundaries. The more boundaries you set the hotter you get.

Joél Leon. @JoelakaMaG

go where you are welcomed. stay where you are watered.

sam @samkitty444

u can completely recreate yourself at any given time, nothing is permanent u r not stuck

SZA @sza

Kill that urge to be chosen. CHOOSE URSELF .

dj fuck @eggshellfriend

so maybe u lost ur mind a little bit ..That’s okay!!!! It’s a new morning put on a little skirt and drink a glass of water and pretend it never happened

SZA @sza

Water yourself today !! Whatever that means!! Honored urself the same way u turn up the vibe for others u beautiful and u worth it ❤️ love you

I hope everyone has a lovely summer and that SZA drops her new album ASAP! With that, here are a few picks to get you through the week:

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LISTEN:

READ:

• Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn - To all my pals who are “going to start reading this summer”—start here. Thank me later.

• The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown - This author is my current obsession! She talks courage, compassion and connection and how this all leads to self-acceptance. (And if you “don’t like self-help” but like this newsletter, you’re a liar!)

LAUGH:

abolish offices imo @InternetHippo

(asking for a raise at work) please, my landlord needs this

Shaan @shaansicles

You’re telling me a cis teen built this chapel?!

rain @internetfairy

having a crush is so embarrassing like first of all im literally an adult

Michael Gold @migold

accidental stepped on a cicada imagine surviving 17 years to see your life ended by a millennial guzzling iced coffee

Becca Rose @itsbecrose

Ellen’s replacement

Homo Honey @DixPeyton

when it comes to Rihanna everyone is a side piece until proven otherwise

Bolu Babalola @BeeBabs

I love teenage girls they feel so intensely and listening to their music kind of gives validation for my own intense feelings as an adult woman like....hell yeah nothing is too dramatic, life is crazy

Rachel Sennott @Rachel_Sennott

You’re only 18 twice, once when you’re 18, and then again when you’re 23

Nika Lomazzo @NikaLomazzo

Can’t believe we were supposed to think it was a character flaw that Katherine Heigl was a bridesmaid 27 times in 27 Dresses. She was POPULAR!

KILLER MEG (Interdimensional entity) @horse_feedbag

*me hearing a girl say the most insane thing I’ve ever heard* No exactly

LOVE:

• Deep Violet L'Oréal Paris Voluminous Mascara - Got this on a recent haul and I can’t get enough of it. Hellloooooo, funky vaxxed girl summer!

• Trader Joe’s Rose Essential Oil Hand Cream - Literally heaven in a bottle. I can’t go anywhere without it.

COOK:

nytcooking

A post shared by @nytcooking

nytcooking

A post shared by @nytcooking

CONSIDER:

“little prayer” by Danez Smith

let ruin end here

let him find honey
where there was once a slaughter

let him enter the lion’s cage
& find a field of lilacs

let this be the healing
& if not   let it be

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Question of the week: What’s your absolute favorite thing about yourself?

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Thank you endlessly for reading and supporting me over the last five months—it means more to me than you’ll ever know! I’m always looking to improve my work, so leave a comment or send me a message about what you want to read about in upcoming Dear Twenty-Somethings! I’m all ears. Keep your eyes peeled for a survey from me in your inbox about the future of this newsletter.

Connect with me on Twitter, LinkedIn, Goodreads or online if you feel so inclined. And check out last week’s newsletter here in case you missed it.

If you liked what you read, send this newsletter to a friend! Heck, send it to 10 friends! Sending love and light to you, wherever you are. 🌟

Cheers & happy Wednesday! Stay well and squeeze every drop out of this summer—you deserve it. I’ll see you in September!

xoxoxo, Quinnie <3

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