*Who* Do You Want to Be? 💅
And how does it differ from who you wanted to be growing up?
Happy Wednesday, my beautiful Twenty-Somethings! I hope you’re all doing just peachy and that Mother’s Day (& Bennifer’s reunion) treated you well. Gotta love Taurus season!
This week, I want to ask you all a question: As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Maybe it was a doctor, a vet, a firefighter, a gymnast—you get it. I vividly remember telling my daycare lady deadpan: I want to be a fairy princess. Aw, baby Quinn!
Oftentimes when kids are asked what they want to be, they think of what profession they want to be, centering career aspirations, rather than everything else that creates a whole human being. This is clearly telling of societal values, but we don’t need to go there just yet. I do, however, wish there had been more of an emphasis on who we wanted to be, rather than what, way back when.
Because that, my friends, is still a question us Twenty-Somethings are grappling with. I’ve talked about figuring out your values in the past, but my Zennials, we’re not even grown up yet! When do we actually reach that milestone? Is it when we peak in our careers? Reach personal fulfillment? Buy our first cast iron pan? Say no to drinks with friends?
Okay I’m only kind of kidding, but it’s times like these I have to remind myself we’re all on our own paths. It may not be linear, but we’ll get there!
When I grow up, I want to be a kind, loving, inclusive, brave woman who doesn’t care what others think of her. I hope to be transparent and fearless and an advocate for all. I can’t help but think 8-year-old me was probably more focused on being cool and pretty, but there’s been a lot of growth between then and now.
But, you know what? I’m pretty sure of one thing:
Dear Reader: In what ways have you lived up to or shifted from who you wanted to be when you were a youngin’? And who do you want to be today when you ~grow up~?
If you’re not happy with who you are just yet, you have all the time in the world to become who you want to be. Because nothing is more important than today! It’s never too late to ask yourself who you want to be and to then make it happen. And if you need a little help aligning your priorities to your values, check out this exercise.
As Twenty-Somethings, we still have the opportunity to do whatever it is in this life that we want to do as we carve our chosen paths. And the sooner you make that switch to be the person you want to be or do the thing you’ve always wanted to do, the sooner you’ll be glad you did.
For every great decision I’ve ever made—from cutting off a toxic friend to buying myself flowers every week to moisturizing post-shower—I only wish I’d done it sooner. So, as I’ve asked before: What are you waiting for?
Water the plants in your life that matter most to you. Enjoy the little things that bring you bliss. Root for the other team. Squeeze every drop out of your twenties as you possibly can. And, most importantly, shoot your shot!
And just because I felt this tweet was so damn relevant:
With that, here are a few picks to get you through the week:
The Cut: “Beige Ambition: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen grew up to make New York’s most desirable clothes. But can even perfection survive the pandemic?” - The Row has always been wild to me. But here we are! Great read, check it out.
The New Yorker: “I’m a Person of Color and Everyone Is Suddenly Interested in Me—Something Bad Must Have Happened” - Oof. A funny, poignant recount of being a woman of color in 2021. White people, take a gander.
Medium: “Let’s talk about Justin Bieber’s hair” - One of my fave writers isn’t happy about Justin Bieber’s locs. C’mon, Biebz!
Trunk Show Revival - I bought these incredible disco ball dangly earrings from the cutest little vintage shop. Check ‘em out!
Billini Tortoise Shell Shoulder Bag - Currently obsessed with this teeny bag I got at one of my fave shops the other week. Anyone have any tips on how to stop buying purses I don’t need? No one? Word.
Prosperity Candle - You didn’t think I’d go a week without getting another candle, did you? I’m usually not huge on warmer scents, but the vanilla-almond-orchid energy on the Queen candle is just too homey.
Giving you this excerpt again, because it’s the best ever and everyone needs to read it:
“Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.
“Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and I’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. I’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: The bitch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much – no one loves chili dogs that much! And the Cool Girls are even more pathetic: They’re not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be. Oh, and if you’re not a Cool Girl, I beg you not to believe that your man doesn’t want the Cool Girl. It may be a slightly different version – maybe he’s a vegetarian, so Cool Girl loves seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe he’s a hipster artist, so Cool Girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. There are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain. (How do you know you’re not Cool Girl? Because he says things like: “I like strong women.” If he says that to you, he will at some point fuck someone else. Because “I like strong women” is code for “I hate strong women.”)” - Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
Question of the week: What traits do you most admire in others?
Thank you endlessly for supporting me—it means more to me than you’ll ever know! I’m always looking to improve my work, so leave a comment or send me a message about what you want to read about in the next Dear Twenty-Somethings! I’m all ears.
If you liked what you read, send this newsletter to a friend! Heck, send it to 10 friends! Sending love and light to you, wherever you are. 🌟
Cheers & happy Wednesday! Stay well and I’ll see y’all next week.
xoxoxo, Quinnie <3